Overwhelmed

It's difficult for me to come here to write these days. Everything seems to be hard for me to do lately. I feel paralyzed by the pressure of all the things I need to do. I can't make myself do any of the things that are looming over me. Throwing things away to get ready to move makes me sad. Telling people that they can "call" the things in my apartment that I'm not going to take with me makes me want to hold on to them and not leave. Telling my kids that I'm going back to Canada makes me tear up. I'm becoming a hot mess. All I can do these days is wrap myself up in Korean music and movies and all things that have to do with pop culture. I feel like I need to OD on all that I can because in just a few weeks I won't have it anymore. This place has become home. I hate that I'm leaving. I know that it's time to move on and I know that things are going to be great back in Canada, but I guess I feel like I'm never going to be back here and if I ever do return it won't be the same. I'm going to miss it so much. This has been home for 2.5 years. I don't know how to exist outside of Korea. I feel comfort in the confusion of this country. Life is so exciting and interesting. There is something to laugh about everyday. I feel like I'm going to have to start again when I leave.

This post is a big jumble of thoughts. I just needed to get something out. I haven't been this overwhelmed in years.